The dreaded narcissist is as much of a monster as he is feared in society. As a Christian is it important to surround yourself with the right people. The influence of others is extremely powerful. Who you hangout with can spiritually put you in danger and leave you with emotional scars that God did not intend for you to have.
My Untold Story: Narcissistic Friends
Unfortunately it took me over twenty years to realize what a narcissist is, and figure out that I have been surrounded by them all my life. I will talk about a couple of narcissistic friends that really struck a cord in my life. The first narcissist that I met was a friend in 4th grade!! Yes, you heard me elementary school. This person was very pretty, nice and popular. I was the new girl at school and I ended up in her crew. True to narcissistic form she had a very high opinion of herself, and was extremely vain. This girl was obsessed with becoming popular. She was also very mature for her age, and knew how to use her sexuality to get attention. This girl would not have gotten caught with her two-faced mask on if the rest of us didn’t realize that she was talking issh about all of us behind our backs. After we confronted her with her back against the wall (literally, and metaphorically) she confessed what she did. Then begged each of us separately for forgiveness while trying to convince each of us that the other was lying. After that we swiftly voted her off the island. High school was a trying time for me at first. I met this girl that was charismatic and seemed nice. Once again I was wrong as time passed it was clear she was desperate to be popular and climb the social ladder at any cost. Which meant throwing her current friends under the bus. After I was told about her smear campaign against me I cut her off. And got new friends that I’m still friends with until today. The last narcissist that woke me up was in college this person was very charismatic, and seemed extremely supportive something that I needed at the time. However, like the other two narcissists she was obsessed with being liked. Behind closed doors this person became more verbally and emotionally abusive. Slowly she would devalue me on almost everything that I did. Yet would repeatedly admit how envious she was of me…and EVERYONE she came in contact with. She again tried to humiliate me in public and said racist slurs behind my back to build up her self esteem. At that point I blocked her on social media as well as real life. Like all life lessons I pray that you take my warnings seriously. The narcissistic friend is not the creepy girl in the corner (usually). She’s the class president, the life of the party, the head cheerleader, the pretty girl next door, the pillar of the community, starting to sound familiar.
Signs of a Narcissistic Friend
Narcissists DON’T have empathy
Narcissists don’t have true empathy they can only FAKE it. Narcissists are the greatest actors you will ever meet. They can mimic what they think you want to hear, and they will if it benefits them overall. However, don’t be mistaken the only people they care about is themselves and this is something that will be exposed over time.
2. They are very manipulative
Narcissists know how to manipulate every person in their lives. This is the essence of a narcissist. You wanna know why in the public eye they’re considered to be a God? Manipulation. The narcissist needs adoration at ALL times. As much as they envy/hate everyone in society they need love from others to cater to their false self-esteem, and grandiose fantasies. They will use numerous methods to do this; lying, pitting people against each other, and devaluing others etc.
3. They CAN’T keep long-lasting relationships(romantic/friendships)
Narcissists can’t keep long-term relationships with anyone because people eventually people see through the mask. This is the girl that has a whirlwind of boyfriends and can NEVER keep one for a substantial period of time . In all of my stories each narcissist is revealed and when they are confronted they retreat, but NEVER think they’re wrong. This is a deal breaker for most people, and thus the vicious cycle of meaningless relationships continues.
4. Unnecessary Aggressors
The narcissist is always the aggressor whether you realize it or not. When their mask slips you see the true horror that is the narcissist. They are very aggressive when they don’t get their way. I’ve seen narcissist people (adults) have tantrums for not getting their way (not getting the narcissistic supply that they want from you/others). In most cases they will slowly show you this side over time because they know you’ll run for the hills otherwise!!!
5. Makes you ? your sanity
If you have gotten to this stage in a narcissistic friendship, GET OUT. You have been used and abused. Narcissists will always play the victim because they’re never wrong, right? Think of them like an evil, secret organization in a cliche, spy movie, once you know too much about them they will dispose you, and destroy you. Why? Well, one they HATE rejection more then anything so they will try to toss you before you toss them. The second reason is they don’t want you to tell their secrets to the world. You’ve seen the truth you know the horrible monster that they truly are. A narcissist will be damned if you destroy their public image. So they’ll try to destroy yours instead. This sends you into a questionable frenzy of whether or not it was all your fault? Spoiler Alert: It’s NOT and it NEVER was!!!
There are plenty more warning signs of a narcissistic friend but these are the big 5 that will show you that they are a true narcissist.
As a Christian what has helped me pick up the pieces after these narcissistic experiences is by praying for these people. I know it’s easier said then done. Trust me I know I went through periods of rage and unforgiveness against these people. For God to tell me to love them was verrry hard for me to receive. When I prayed for these people God reminded me of their stories almost all of them came from abusive backgrounds (emotional and physical). Something we quickly forget about the narcissist is that they are abused people trying to survive the trauma and/or bondage that they are under. God still loves these people too. So my message isn’t to curse these people but to love them from a distance. Pray for them. Definitely cut them out of your life as much as you can but don’t seek revenge. Because when they grow old and gray and look back at their lives they will finally realize what they have done to others, and ultimately loathe themselves for it. They will finally come face to face with the truth that the problem is them.