BohoMindset

Toxic Friendships

By August 31, 2017 Lifestyle

Narcissistic Friends

The dreaded narcissist is as much of a monster as he is feared in society. As a Christian is it important to surround yourself with the right people. The influence of others is extremely powerful. Who you hangout with can spiritually put you in danger and leave you with emotional scars that God did not intend for you to have.

My Untold Story: Narcissistic Friends

Unfortunately it took me over twenty years to realize what a narcissist is, and figure out that I have been surrounded by them all my life. I will talk about a couple of narcissistic friends that really struck a cord in my life. The first narcissist that I met was a friend in 4th grade!! Yes, you heard me elementary school. This person was very pretty, nice and popular. I was the new girl at school and I ended up in her crew. True to narcissistic form she had a very high opinion of herself, and was extremely vain. This girl was obsessed with becoming popular. She was also very mature for her age, and knew how to use her sexuality to get attention. This girl would not have gotten caught with her two-faced mask on if the rest of us didn’t realize that she was talking issh about all of us behind our backs. After we confronted her with her back against the wall (literally, and metaphorically) she confessed what she did. Then begged each of us separately for forgiveness while trying to convince each of us that the other was lying. After that we swiftly voted her off the island. High school was a trying time for me at first. I met this girl that was charismatic and seemed nice. Once again I was wrong as time passed it was clear she was desperate to be popular and climb the social ladder at any cost. Which meant throwing her current friends under the bus. After I was told about her smear campaign against me I cut her off. And got new friends that I’m still friends with until today. The last narcissist that woke me up was in college this person was very charismatic, and seemed extremely supportive something that I needed at the time. However, like the other two narcissists she was obsessed with being liked. Behind closed doors this person became more verbally and emotionally abusive. Slowly she would devalue me on almost everything that I did. Yet would repeatedly admit how envious she was of me…and EVERYONE she came in contact with. She again tried to humiliate me in public and said racist slurs behind my back to build up her self esteem. At that point I blocked her on social media as well as real life. Like all life lessons I pray that you take my warnings seriously. The narcissistic friend is not the creepy girl in the corner (usually). She’s the class president, the life of the party, the head cheerleader, the pretty girl next door, the pillar of the community, starting to sound familiar.

Signs of a Narcissistic Friend

Narcissists DON’T have empathy
Narcissists don’t have true empathy they can only FAKE it. Narcissists are the greatest actors you will ever meet. They can mimic what they think you want to hear, and they will if it benefits them overall. However, don’t be mistaken the only people they care about is themselves and this is something that will be exposed over time.

2. They are very manipulative

Narcissists know how to manipulate every person in their lives. This is the essence of a narcissist. You wanna know why in the public eye they’re considered to be a God? Manipulation. The narcissist needs adoration at ALL times. As much as they envy/hate everyone in society they need love from others to cater to their false self-esteem, and grandiose fantasies. They will use numerous methods to do this; lying, pitting people against each other, and devaluing others etc.

3. They CAN’T keep long-lasting relationships(romantic/friendships)

Narcissists can’t keep long-term relationships with anyone because people eventually people see through the mask. This is the girl that has a whirlwind of boyfriends and can NEVER keep one for a substantial period of time . In all of my stories each narcissist is revealed and when they are confronted they retreat, but NEVER think they’re wrong. This is a deal breaker for most people, and thus the vicious cycle of meaningless relationships continues.

4. Unnecessary Aggressors

The narcissist is always the aggressor whether you realize it or not. When their mask slips you see the true horror that is the narcissist. They are very aggressive when they don’t get their way. I’ve seen narcissist people (adults) have tantrums for not getting their way (not getting the narcissistic supply that they want from you/others). In most cases they will slowly show you this side over time because they know you’ll run for the hills otherwise!!!

5. Makes you ? your sanity

If you have gotten to this stage in a narcissistic friendship, GET OUT. You have been used and abused. Narcissists will always play the victim because they’re never wrong, right? Think of them like an evil, secret organization in a cliche, spy movie, once you know too much about them they will dispose you, and destroy you. Why? Well, one they HATE rejection more then anything so they will try to toss you before you toss them. The second reason is they don’t want you to tell their secrets to the world. You’ve seen the truth you know the horrible monster that they truly are. A narcissist will be damned if you destroy their public image. So they’ll try to destroy yours instead. This sends you into a questionable frenzy of whether or not it was all your fault? Spoiler Alert: It’s NOT and it NEVER was!!!

There are plenty more warning signs of a narcissistic friend but these are the big 5 that will show you that they are a true narcissist.

As a Christian what has helped me pick up the pieces after these narcissistic experiences is by praying for these people. I know it’s easier said then done. Trust me I know I went through periods of rage and unforgiveness against these people. For God to tell me to love them was verrry hard for me to receive. When I prayed for these people God reminded me of their stories almost all of them came from abusive backgrounds (emotional and physical). Something we quickly forget about the narcissist is that they are abused people trying to survive the trauma and/or bondage that they are under. God still loves these people too. So my message isn’t to curse these people but to love them from a distance. Pray for them. Definitely cut them out of your life as much as you can but don’t seek revenge. Because when they grow old and gray and look back at their lives they will finally realize what they have done to others, and ultimately loathe themselves for it. They will finally come face to face with the truth that the problem is them.

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Coconut Oil Pulling

By August 23, 2017 Lifestyle, Miscellaneous

Coconut oil pulling is the latest holistic craze that has swept the nation. Like all great trends I found out about coconut oil pulling on the internet. I was looking for the safest way to whiten my teeth and coconut oil pulling came up as the most holistic option. My question was does it actually work or is this just a fad.

So what is coconut oil pulling? Contrary to popular belief America is way behind on this holistic, oral detox process that has been used in Ayurvedic medicine for hundreds of years. All you do is put a tablespoon of oil (I prefer coconut oil cause it tastes the best) in your mouth and swish it around for ten to twenty minutes. Then spit it out in the trash (because it can clog the sink), and go about the rest of your day. The oil attracts the toxins leaving you with a cleaner, and detoxified mouth. Your mouth holds the highest amount of bacteria in the body. So your mouth is a key part in determining your health throughout the rest of your body. Some of the researched benefits of coconut oil pulling are; curing tooth decay, killing bad breath, whiter teeth, prevents heart disease, boots immune system, clears acne, strengthens gums and jaw, and reduces inflammation( I’ve seen multiple videos and heard that doctors recommend this for gingivitis).

My coconut oil pulling experience has been amazing to say the least. Within the first two weeks I saw results. My skin got clearer, my teeth got whiter, and it did strengthen my jaw. Speaking as someone who does not get into every fad I have to say this one is worth trying. I mean what do you have to lose. I would love for you guys to share your coconut oil pulling experiences in the comment section. Has coconut oil pulling change your life? Did it work for you?

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Announcement

By August 7, 2017 Miscellaneous

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Hello Bohemians,

I’m so glad that you guys are having a great week.  I wanted to announce that you can also follow me at bloglovin as well.  If you don’t know what it is check it out its basically the pinterest of blogs.

 

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The Power of Apple Cider Vinegar

By August 3, 2017 Lifestyle

The day was cloudy, and humid I had just finished running errands.  I had been craving a strawberry smoothie with coconut milk.  I walked into the nearest Starbucks and was greeted by this cute, young girl no older than eighteen at the counter.  As I went to pick up my drink she asked me how old I was.  Once I told her a wave of shock washed over her face.  I smiled sheepishly trying to take in the compliment.  She started asking me questions about my beauty routine, because she was trying to get rid of her acne.  I told her the best thing to get rid of her acne is apple cider vinegar.

Whenever I tell people this I get a very strange reaction.  I swear people think I’m lying to them on purpose.  She tilts her head slightly in confusion and says, “Seriously?”  I told her apple cider vinegar has single handedly cleared my face, better than any product on the market.  So of course her follow up question is how do you use it?

Apple Cider Vinegar Facewash Routine

1 bottle of diluted apple cider vinegar

1 bottle of preferred face wash ( I use Neutrogena Pink Grapefruit face wash)

A clean towel

Your preferred brand of face lotion/cream ( I use St. Ives Timeless Skin)

I always start by splashing my face with warm water.  Then I take my face wash and apply it on my breakout areas, in a circular motion.  I let my face wash sit for about 30 seconds then rinse it off with warm water and pat my face dry with a clean towel.  Now, here is the most important step, I take a cotton ball and pour apple cider vinegar on it.  I then dab it on my breakout areas.  The first time you do this it may sting a little.  If it stings too much dilute the apple cider vinegar with water.  Leave the apple cider vinegar on until it dries.  I know you’ll smell like vinegar for a bit but once it dries the smell goes away, promise.  Finally you apply your preferred face cream (I use St. Ives Timeless Skin), since your face will feel extremely dry if you don’t moisturize it.  I want to end this by saying that this my personal face wash routine and I have very oily skin.  So I would only recommend this to people with oily skin.  If this routine works for you and you have normal or dry skin please comment below.

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Every thing Wrong With Call Centers

By August 2, 2017 Corporate America

If you’ve never worked in a call center congratulations fate has truly smiled upon you.  For the rest of us who have been subjected to the hell that is a call center everything that I will post you are very aware of.

  1. Unorganized Management

One of the many taxing jobs that I had was working at a call center.  The most frustrating thing about working in a call center is how unorganized all of them are.  One call center that I used to work at went under because of unorganized management the supervisors were overworked and underpaid, and the rest of us were even more overworked and underpaid. Meanwhile the CEO was getting his six figure bonus checks.  The call centers I worked at were always highly under staffed because of the high turnover rate.  Leaving the remaining workers to pick up the slack, which leaves us overworked and getting more verbal abuse from customers who are on hold trying to get help.  The management that was in power didn’t really know how to manage properly, either they would micro manage us too much , or not willing to help us at all.  In conclusion call centers need to do a lot better.

        2.   Stressful

Call center work is the most stressful work I’ve ever had.  Why? Well first you have a metric of stats that you had to meet that are impossible to achieve.  This creates a fear of job security.  Then you have the abuse that you deal with from customers that berate you on the phone constantly. Finally you have your supervisors that micro manage every second your in wrap, lunch, or on break.  No where else but a call center do you realize every second counts, because you literally get written up for it. Combine this with the drama in the office, and you feel like your in a three ring circus.  This is a terrible environment to come to work in everyday.  I would see my coworkers either lose their minds and quit.  Go outside when they have a panic attack, and then come back and finish their shift.  Or occasionally lose their minds on the customers that were verbally abusing them.  Of course they would be fired for this.

       3.   Low Pay

The pay in a call center is never worth the mental state that you leave in.  Most people view this job as a temporary job, then they quit accordingly.  This is the main reason why.  When you have to come to work everyday to be verbally abused, and you barely have anything to show for it, it can take a toll on you.  All corporations are out to make the most profit.  However, call centers are really the corporate, modern day, sweat, shop.  They will cut as many corners as possible to make more profit.  For example one the call centers I worked for didn’t even offer health benefits. Another one only gave my coworkers a twenty cent raise after two years.  I believe all call centers have this mentality.

       4.   Low Morality

Call centers I realized are very similar to high school and with this high school mentality comes scandal.  The most alarming thing that I’ve seen with call centers is the harassment that my coworkers would get.  It was very normalized and HR doesn’t do anything about it.  HR is there to help the company but no disciplinary action will be taken.  Cheating, afternoon sex breaks, and harassment from the higher ups, yep that’s normal.  Make sure you don’t tell HR though or you will get covert backlash from your supervisors.  Not to mention the fact that the atmosphere is so depressing, and the ass kissing you have to do to get to the top.  Leaving the people at the top being people that are mostly unqualified but part of the necessary “in crowd” at the workforce.  When I’d call my best friend on break I would call my workplace the center for broken dreams.

 

A lot of people that I worked with said that I was so brave for quitting and following my dreams.  Surprisingly, a lot of my coworkers admired that I had the sense to go after what I wanted.  It really touched me but I also wanted to scream you can too!  If you take anything away from this list its that call center agents are completely mistreated, underpaid, and abused daily.  Unless you have no other options don’t work in a call center, your sanity will thank you.

 

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Narcissism in Corporate America

By August 1, 2017 Corporate America

Corporate America in my opinion is a very toxic environment.  One of the main obstacles I faced in corporate america was the narcissist.  Whether it was a narcissistic coworker or worse the narcissistic boss.  It seems that corporate america seems to favor these parasites which baffled me at first.  However, hindsight is 20/20 not only do I understand why they thrive here I believe that Corporate America favors narcissistic behavior.  When I first entered Corporate America I would always talk to my supervisors about how they moved  up the ladder.  I would get the generic answer of putting in your hours and going above and beyond with your job.  So I did those things I was one of the top sellers, in my company.  However, the longer I stayed the more I realized that this work hard, and get your just rewards fantasy was just that a fantasy.  The narcissist thrives on office politics and can manipulate their way into success.

The main thing you will notice about Corporate America is that the dynamic is very much like high school.  Seriously Bowling for Soup got it right.  Everyone is obsessed with the coolest cliques, whose hooking up with whom, and who has the most power.  As repulsive as the narcissist’s true personality is in the corporate world it is considered an asset in terms of climbing that corporate ladder.  Some of the hardest working people on the floor were the people that were the most taken advantage of.  They worked extra hours, made their quota and most importantly made the company a lot of money.  My question was what stopped these people from getting promoted?  They knew everything about the product we were selling yet they kept getting passed up for promotions.  Why? Corporate America promotes people that will carry out their agenda, which is always more profit at the expense of others.

There’s no one more suitable to carry out this agenda then the narcissist.  Have you ever had a coworker that can get away with anything?  Never really seem to get into trouble for their bad behavior? The charm of a narcissist is unmatched in the workplace.  Narcissists know how to turn on the charm and manipulate those around them by using a divide and conquer strategy.  I’ve seen this in action the narcissist I notice will always treat the “in crowd” like gods.  There’s always a group at work that I call the inner circle.  The people that everyone knows at work and are friends with all the right people within the company.  The narcissist will cozy up to these people because of the ego boost these people will give them.  Narcissist see their supply as extensions of themselves so being accepted by this group is extremely important to them.

A great example of this is the character Patrick Bateman in the critical acclaimed movie, American Psycho, when he hangs out with his wall street coworkers he tries endlessly to impress. Throughout the movie he utters politically correct monologues, makes sure he follows his OCD hygiene and workout routine, and doing as much coke as he can when they go clubbing.  All to fit in and get the recognition that he thinks he deserves.  The narcissist will also cozy up to the boss.  The narcissist has an uncanny ability to switch their personality on and off around the right people.  They could be slandering their boss one minute and the next minute when the boss comes around be singing their praises.  Going out of their way to make a great impression.

The narcissists also has specific targets in the workplace I will only summarize them in two terms for this post; The Inferior and The Superior (terms I made up).  The Inferior target is the person that the narcissist thinks they are above on every level; looks, intellect, and status.  Most of the time the narcissist will befriend this person and use them as a constant source of supply.  Other times they will overtly, or covertly bully them to make them feel inferior constantly.  The Superior, this is the person that the narcissist sees as a threat.  They have everything that they want looks, charm, money, whatever it is the narc envies.  Back to the American Psycho analogy this is the Paul Allen to the narc’s Patrick Bateman persona.  The narcissist will always be more aggressive with this person.  Usually trying to run a smear campaign against them.  However, they are less disgusted with this person than, The Inferior.  In fact similar to Patrick Bateman taking Paul Allen’s identity (after brutally murdering him).  This is the reaction I see a lot of narcissists take when interacting with The Superior.  They start copying them and obsessively compare themselves to them to prove their self worth.  Almost as if they want to embody them and their greatness for themselves.

Are you exhausted with all these bizarre mind games? Welcome to Corporate America, a narcissist’s playground.  Unfortunately all of this social, and emotional manipulation usually leads to fast promotions, connections within the company and an seemingly perfect, corporate ascension.  My advice to anyone that is still in Corporate America and your miserable, get out.

 

 

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How To Know When To Quit Your Job

By July 30, 2017 Corporate America
  1. When getting fired becomes a fantasy instead of a nightmare

If you go to work everyday and pray in your mind that you get fired.  It’s time to reevaluate your career.  You not being motivated to go to work is a sign that you are not happy with your job.  This is something that you can’t ignore. Don’t be rash and just quit, figure out your life purpose, and start strategizing how you want to achieve it.

     2.   If your job environment is toxic

When you work for a great company you become more productive.  If you work in a negative environment you do the bare minimum.  Therefore being in a toxic environment doesn’t help you or the corporation that your slaving away at.  I know that when I worked at my last job it changed the relationship that I had with my mother.  I didn’t realize it until she said something.  I was irritable, depressed, and riddled with anxiety.  When my toxic work environment started to effect my personal life in a negative way that’s when I knew it was time to leave my job.

     3.   When you’ve found your life purpose

If you experience the first two things and have found out what you want to do.  It’s time to leave your job.  If your corporate job is in no way matching up with your purpose, or your calling you have no reason to stay at your job.  If you know what you want to do and know how start your new career, go for it.  As I have learned in my 25 years of living, life is way too short to be stuck in a career you can’t stand.  I believe everyone on this earth has a god given talent, that they are born to express. You should be compensated for it and there’s no better time than now to try and make a career out of it.

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Corporate Mindset

By July 24, 2017 Corporate America

Have you ever woke up in the morning with a feeling of dread?  Making it impossible or unthinkable to get up and face the corporate nightmare that is your job.  What are you complaining about?  You have benefits a 401k and an office job that society considers worthy.  As time passed me by I assumed things would get better.  Surely the American Dream is more than this? Each day I got up the dread never left and my vision of the American Dream became a disillusioned mess.  Everyone around me looks depressed, under the florescent lights, tethered by their headsets to their computer desks.  One by one I would see each of my coworkers/friends disappear each week. As I sat alone amongst the empty desks that remain.  This job was my own personal prison, at 25 I prayed that one day I could start living.  Instead of being another number in this corporate prison, but I was trapped.  Bills continued mounting day by day how could I walk away?  Should I take a leap of faith and live out my dream? Or suck it up and embrace corporate insanity? Past generations had stuck it out to give me the future that I have now.  However, I knew that I needed to break this cycle.  To show everyone that the American Dream involves living out your dreams, not settling for someone else’s.

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Hello Bohemians!

By July 23, 2017 Corporate America, Inspiration, Miscellaneous, Travel

Welcome to my blog.   I’m a recent college graduate, twenty something, millennial and have recently quit the corporate lifestyle that I have been living.  This has been one of the scariest and most exciting times of my life as I am pursuing this blogging hobby of mine. However, this is something that I have been planning to do for a while. Come take this journey with me on the road less traveled.

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